Can't deny it.

A man sitting with his only daughter turns to his friend and says,

"She can do whatever she wants. She just can't fall in love."

The temptation to turn around and yell at him was digging deep inside me. The urge to turn around and say to him, "That's not how you let her grow," was aching.

A parent, a sibling, a friend, anyone doesn't or shouldn't tell you, "You're not ready for love."

None of us ever will be. Love is great and it sucks all at once.

It's not something you take a class on.

It's not something you buy in the dollar section of Target.

It's not something you bake in the oven.

It's not something you wait for a certain age to be, like getting your license or rent a car.

It's something you learn.

It's something that slaps you so hard in the face it bruises you.

It's something that takes you so high up and knocks you so far down before you can rise again.

It's beautiful and ugly.

It comes in many forms.

Each building us for the rest of our lives. It's something that you can't ignore and deny.

I know, I've tried it all.

I've shut down.

I've ignored the calls.

I've hit it with my car.

I've run.

But it caught up with me and got up.

And took hold.

I surrendered to it.

I've let it in cause there is no stopping it.

It's lovely.

And for that man to deny his only daughter of that is cruel. I know and I understand he feels he is protecting her, but she a growing woman. She is at the point on life where she should set out for new heights and wonders.

Life is a journey.

Love is part of it.

Good and bad. We are all meant to go through it.

It's just up to us to make it out alive.

Take a Rope

Take a rope. Tie it into the tightest knot you can ever tie. Tug at it for years. It won’t move. Until one year, it starts to shred. You are holding on to the one end for dear life because if you let go, you are going down. Down off a cliff, free falling not knowing where you are going to land and what will be there when you touch the ground.

Take the rope. Not only is it tearing slowly, but also the person on the other end of it, is the one who helped you tie it in the first place. They are looking at you and smiling. Smiling while they watch you fall. In fact, they are the one who when you were not looking reached down into their pocket, pulled out the sharpest thing they had and started sewing away at the knot you two had once tied.

Take the rope. Use it to help you land carefully. The fall will be a painful one, but it will be a well needed one at that. Will it? I thought this rope was a symbol of what was to be held onto and cherished. I thought it was a bond for all the years and struggles and happy times spent by the ones on each end. Why is it now my enemy? Why are they smiling? What will be at the bottom? Huh Seven?

What is it?

It’s a little nerve wracking

It’s a little crazy

It’s a little butterfly in my stomach

It’s a little giddy

It’s a little sad

It’s a little annoying

It’s a little raindrop

It’s a little rainbow

It’s a little run me over with a mac truck

It’s a little puppy

It’s a little sexy

It’s a little kinky

It’s a little heartbreaking

It’s a little shallow

It’s a little blurry

It’s a little painful

It’s a little fork in the road

Its a little push me up against the wall

It’s a little kiss

It’s a little sexually frustrating

It’s a little amazing

It’s a little fucking stupid

It’s a little tiring

It’s a little drunken fall down

Whatever it is…

It’s my life.

It’s the people I see

It’s the music I hear

It’s the books I read

It’s the food I eat

It’s the shit I say

It’s the words I write

It’s the hours I sleep

It’s the liquor I drink

It’s the ones I kiss

It’s the jokes I make

It’s all linked to the pictures I take.

I wouldn't of been here....

What would happen if we all never have gone through what we have?

You can't be happy without being miserable.

You can't be miserable without tasting the sunshine.

You can't be strong without hitting rock bottom or close to it.

You can't hit rock bottom without being high enough to fall down.

What if I believed him when he said ''I love you''?

I would be in a lie of a relationship and close to a complete mental break down.

And I wouldn't of been here.

What if he didn't tell me "let's be friends''?

I might be in a horrible non-communication relationship where I would play step-mom from time to time.

And I wouldn't of been here.

What if he didn't hit on my best friend behind my back?

I would of been in a relationship where I would of gotten cheated on more then once.

And I wouldn't of been here.

What if he never came back?

I would have never had closure and been able to move on.

And I wouldn't of been here.

What if he kept that from me?

I would of still had doubts and questions. I would of been in a friendship that was a complete lie and would of hurt me more then it already did. And when it did come out after investing my heart and soul into it, I wouldn't of stayed.

And I wouldn't of been here.

I am glad I saw through the lies.

I am glad we became friends.

I am glad I have an amazing best friend who would never want to hurt me and is completely honest with me.

I am glad I got closure.

I am glad he told me.

I am glad I am here.

I love it here.

The Duck is back.

The duck walks down the street. He is minding his own business enjoying the nice weather. He seems to be pretty happy. During this walk, other ducks and animals are passing him by. The duck tries to say hello to others and he is either being ignored or getting strange looks. The duck doesn’t understand it. “Why are these others looking at me like this? What the hell? It’s like I have antennas growing out of my head.” What the duck didn’t know was that really wasn’t it. He tried to ignore it and kept walking. He really didn’t have any particular destination, but as others kept staring at him the way they were, he needed to find a place fast and see what they all see. The duck waddled fast. Faster and faster to get somewhere. But something was slowing him down. Something was pulling him back. He tried harder to go, but now there is like this weight that he couldn’t understand. He quickly stopped. He slowly turned his head to see what was behind him and to his surprise he saw this tiny little green man with his little green foot in his butt. He took a moment. Then the duck swung his butt and the little green man went flying. He landed on the ground and picked himself up, gave the duck a dirty look, and yelled something that the duck couldn’t understand. The little green man reached in his pocket, took out some remote thing and hit a button. A tiny spaceship flew down from the sky and lifted him up and flew away. The duck shook his head in disbelief and decided not to ask any questions. He turned around and walked away with a smile on his face. 

The moral of this story is simple. Sometimes there are things in life that kick us in the ass. We walk around with that weight, try to ignore it, and be happy. After a while we will try to run from it, but the pressure builds. Though, if only we can just stop for second and think things through, we can get past it whatever it is. We can just kick that weight into outer space and go on with all the better things in life that are really worth it.

On the Spot.

a little duck was waddling down the street when he saw another duck much bigger in size then he was. he quickly got nervous because this other duck was walking with an attitude and was wearing come cool sunglasses. the little duck thought that he should not be nervous because hey so what about the other duck; he doesn't know him. so the little duck lifted his head up high and brought on his own attitude face. finally it got to the point in the street for the two ducks' paths to finally cross. when they finally did the other duck looked at the little duck and gave a smirk with a head nod and continued to walk pass. the little duck did just the same and when the other duck was finally behind him, the little duck had the biggest smiles on his face. he did it. there was no reason to be nervous just because something or someone bigger was in front of him. cause he realized he can handle anything big, small, happy, or even scary that crosses his way. all he has to do is think he can do it and most importantly....do it.

the end.

Writing Test.

My darling Tami gave me a writing test.  She had sent me 11 words and told me I had to use those words in a piece about how I felt the night before.  This was the results of that September night.

distance

little

ocean

back

self

fourteen

lock

dust

I'll 

solid

clang

I may be a little bit distance

But I can't help it

Sometimes I want to run and hide

Lock myself away.

I won't.

Though,

I can't promise you anything

I'll never really know.

Just to continue and see things as they come,

Not to worry,

Run with it like an ocean but only better.

After almost fourteen minutes,

Fourteen damn minutes of being there

Being out there

Waiting.

I took off.

I made a solid effort more then once

In many ways.

So with the turn of the keys

And the clang of the engine

I didn't look back.

Leaving dust in the air from ground I left.

I didn't care.

A part of my old self is back.

42mins

Sitting, staring, sitting, staring that is what she seems to do.  What is she thinking about one may ask.  What is she looking at another may ask.  She gets up, after about twenty-six minutes, empties her tray, and with a slender smirk on her face she walks out the door. 

 

Sunny day out it is and she’s a little bit warm in what she is wearing, but as long as the wind is blowing a slight cool breeze she’ll get by.  She passes random people some to who smile, some to who say hello, and some to who are needed to be ignored.  Walking, thinking, walking, thinking; how much thinking can one person do?  Isn’t there a time in the day that your brain just shuts down for a few?  Can’t your brain put up an “out to lunch” or “be back in five minute” sign?  After about sixteen minutes of walking the slender smirk reappears as she climbs seven steps and walks into her home.  Open door, keys on counter, bag on table, shoes off, and clothes removed and replaced with different ones.

 

What took place in those forty-two minutes?  What was going on?  What brought along that slender smirk?  Realization, a sense of liberation, acceptance to what has happened finally leaving her with a sense of confidence that her day will come? 

 

Routine is boredom.  Thinking is creativity.  Confidence is key.