Ease.

Night one.

Stars.

Breeze.

Fire crackling.

Train passes.

No negative thoughts enter the brain.

In these arms.

Night two.

Stars.

Breeze.

Fire crackling.

Train passes.

Alone with wondering thoughts.

He Enters.

They are gone.

Smile.

Ease.

Peace.

Safe.

text from last night

I love u. I know it's 4:30 in the morning and that was a random I love u but saying that is never random. I love u. I'm watching the season finale of Grey's Anatomy and it's highly intense and it's highly emotional and I know you are laughing cause I'm sending u this based on a tv show, but it's not. The topic is real. It's a real and scary topic and I couldn't go to bed and not tell you how much I love u. So there. Me babbling. When all I could of said was a simple I love u. But we know I'm not simple...neither are you hehe. But it's ok. I love u. Goodnight.

Beyond

Beyond those doors

Beyond those eyes

Beyond that smile and even beyond belief

I can't say how much I'm happy that I was able to get beyond all that I thought was real.

Beyond that I found lies.

I never knew real until I went beyond those doors and found you.

You and I are real.

So real.

Pieces of Three-65

(day 298 of 365)

Today I was told I was ‘dead inside’. Wow that hurts. But what hurts more is that I actually think the words are right.

I have beat myself up for too long that I am in a coma.

I need to break away from everything and get back on the right path. All those years of wear and tear have taken a toll and even with the best things in front of me I can’t appreciate it.

How did I get here? I want to feel and yes I so want to love.

(day 299 of 365)

Day one of my twelve day healing begins.

(day 319 of 365)

No one ever wants a good thing to come to an end. But sometimes, it has to. At least for now. I am not good enough for you, like this. You deserve so much more. You deserve a better me. You talk about being broken and emotionless and it seems like you are taking a page out of my book.

Have you read this book already?

Have you woke up while I was sleeping and took out my laptop?

See “my shit”

See “writings”

I like you. A lot. I do. A lot. I like you so much. I really really do. And even while writing this there is this sharp pain building up in my chest and I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I guess this is me coming out of my coma.

I don’t want to be broken for you. I don’t.

No one ever wants a good thing to come to an end. But sometimes, it has to. At least for now.

(day 320-360 of 365)

It hurts too much. I wanted to miss you. I do incredibly. I didn’t think this would hurt this much. It’s unlike any other.

I am not dead inside anymore, but this heartbreak is killing me.

Can't deny it.

A man sitting with his only daughter turns to his friend and says,

"She can do whatever she wants. She just can't fall in love."

The temptation to turn around and yell at him was digging deep inside me. The urge to turn around and say to him, "That's not how you let her grow," was aching.

A parent, a sibling, a friend, anyone doesn't or shouldn't tell you, "You're not ready for love."

None of us ever will be. Love is great and it sucks all at once.

It's not something you take a class on.

It's not something you buy in the dollar section of Target.

It's not something you bake in the oven.

It's not something you wait for a certain age to be, like getting your license or rent a car.

It's something you learn.

It's something that slaps you so hard in the face it bruises you.

It's something that takes you so high up and knocks you so far down before you can rise again.

It's beautiful and ugly.

It comes in many forms.

Each building us for the rest of our lives. It's something that you can't ignore and deny.

I know, I've tried it all.

I've shut down.

I've ignored the calls.

I've hit it with my car.

I've run.

But it caught up with me and got up.

And took hold.

I surrendered to it.

I've let it in cause there is no stopping it.

It's lovely.

And for that man to deny his only daughter of that is cruel. I know and I understand he feels he is protecting her, but she a growing woman. She is at the point on life where she should set out for new heights and wonders.

Life is a journey.

Love is part of it.

Good and bad. We are all meant to go through it.

It's just up to us to make it out alive.